Reinventing A Man
Could it be that who you really are is not what you think about yourself but rather what is coming out of other people’s mouths about you?
If so, then if you want to change who you are, you need to behave in such a way that what comes out of other people’s mouths about you changes.
Your feedback meter is the effect you are causing in other people’s experience of you.
This consideration becomes even more interesting when you realize that you have the power to choose what experience you have of other people.
If who another person is, is the experience that you have of them - and what you say about your experience of them - and if you have the ability to select what story you make up about the experience you are having right now in each moment about the other person, then you have the ability to reinvent who someone else is.
This is one of the tools to use in your experiments in Manmaking.
Harry & Samantha: How To Use Dating As Manmaking
Notes About Polarity in Communication
by Nicholas Joyce
It often shows up that the natural order of things that the masculine creates the space and the feminine fills it with abundant creativity, expression, and life. All people have both energies and true mastery is to bring balance to these forces internally.
But what happens when the men need to express and the women aren't listening? What happens when the space offered by the masculine is taken for granted and filled by the feminine with expectation rather than gratitude?
While the lack of appreciation can be frustrating, we need to learn to express our needs. If we try to keep bringing deeper presence to the expression of the feminine when our need is actually to be heard, we are setting ourselves and our partners up for resentment and conflict.
This form of repression seems to usually stem from one of a few places:
The thing about repression is, whatever is being repressed will inevitably pop and come out (or you'll literally die of dis-ease). When it does, our "tolerance threshold" has been crossed and the repressed expression erupts out, devoid of compassion. In an attempt to be "real men" and atone for "the sins of the patriarchy" we end up disempowering ourselves and sometimes even feeling perpetrated against by the carte blanche expression we've allowed the feminine.
The reality is we are perpetrating ourselves out of the faulty programming we have internalized about masculinity. And in doing so, we are actually the propagating the patriarchy.
The feminine is actually innocent. She keeps expressing because it is what she does. And in those moments of masculine repression she will actually often express herself even more because she is looking for connection and reassurance. We, as men, must learn to stand in the truth of our masculine power, free from shame, and fully expressive and supportive of all needs, feelings, and boundaries, including our own. This is how we build trust and call the feminine home.
Making Extraordinary Invitations to Exit The Patriarchy
Modern men are trapped inside the intellectual and energetic construct of the patriarchy like a Mastodon in a tar pit. The more a man struggles against the patriarchy the deeper he sinks into it. He has nothing to stand on in the pit of tar. Every wiggle brings him deeper, but by not wiggling he still sinks. As some point, perhaps when he is 40 years old, perhaps 33, perhaps even at 26, the tar covers his face and head and he is gone.
How can a woman detect how far a man is sunk into the black sticky tar of the patriarchy? How can a woman estimate the chances that the man could ever come out of the patriarchy enough to be with her as a man rather than as a hollow patriarchal puppet?
And if a woman finds a man who has a chance of escaping the patriarchy, what can she do to enhance the chances his escape will be a success?
At birth each male must choose whether or not to join the patriarchy. If he chooses not to join the patriarchy he may simply die, or experience such disgust at being a man in the patriarchy that he doubts or undermines his own masculinity. Women usually have no idea what a desperate choice this is.
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